the end?

Hi Everyone,

I hope your week is going well... Mine has been one of great sadness and it is with tears and a heavy heart that I write to you all.
At the moment things are not good... i won't go into too much detail but I am seriously thinking and i mean seriously thinking not mucking around no joke nor attention seeking crap.. about permanently having up my beloved pink apron and saying goodbye to the shabby/craft world i adore.
I am exhausted and I cant even think. This weekend Dave ands i are going to get rid and go through some of the furniture we had in The Silver Teapot and yes the website and name may go too.. as well as Pumpkernickle Kids. I am saying this now to prepare you as if i go ahead ALLLLLL my craft items will be sold off, that includes fabrics, trims, sewing machine, tables, laces, buttons everything I have collected for years will be on offer.
I am actually heartbroken and distraught and have been crying for 4 days now. I feel like  a death has occured in me... I am honestly at my wits end and cannot take it anymore. I have tried and tried and tried and don't seem to get anywhere (yes some sales have gone through and I'm getting some recognition but it isn't enough to keep the debt wolves at bay i have been trying so hard to fend off.. we still have no idea if Dave has full time work so I wanted to get extra money so we aren't so broke all the time, but it seems it never ever stops and all the positive attitude in the world at the moment isn't helping... and I cannot continue to only get 4 hours of sleep a day maybe 5 or 6 if I'm lucky trying to make things and restart my business. It was my dream to have the businesses work, and to revive The Silver Teapot... but it doesn't seem to be the case. I wanted to fight and prove those who condemned us wrong and that we are still around and stronger and haven't been beaten. But the truth is I have.. I feel like a wounded animal that has been picked and ripped apart and has been trying for too long to keep all the vultures away.. and now I just feel... let them come....I have no fight or anything left..I have had alot happen for the last few years and I know there is always someone worse BUT I really don't care about anyone else I cant i have to focus on me...and my needs. I am also totally alone.. and feel it... there are always 1000's of excuses as to why noone can help... I have a very demanding little girl (which is all i will say who gets destructive if I'm not with her so I have to be there at all times, leaving no time for business nor me) as you know my baby is due now in 10 weeks
Dave is very supportive but can only do so much. So in a way this is a goodbye from me.
I have a few options that I cant think about right now... Dave doesn't want me to get rid of anything apart from the de clutter as I may regret it... I'm not convinced but not being hasty either
I feel at this point rather than look at my craft stuff its best if its not here at all. That way I can forget and move on. I will keep you posted as to what is going on and if i choose to sell everything as I want my things to go to people who will love and cherish them as much as I do
So thank you lovely blogger ladies, meeting and reading up on you has been a true delight even if I haven't left comments... you have inspired and touched me, I have laughed and cried with you.. and stared in awe and wonder at the talent you all have, admired your homes and felt pride for and with your families.. the world is indeed a better place with all of you in it... keep sewing your threads through the quilt of life and contributing... I just need to get back to me and have some serious decisions to make
take care
love always
Vicki
PS thank you for your comments on my work and in general, and for hearing my voice and being kid when i put my things out there... but int he previous post well  a while back now I talked about living life... I have to as right now I'm a shell and need time to be kind to myself