what?

I'm really not sure how to start this one, as I'm not feeling amazingly great at the moment. I feel lost and alone.... so im just writing a few lines here.

I find it hard to look into my husbands and daughters eyes and not feel lost. They look to me to stay strong and put things right and i will. But today i feel flat.. I am trying really hard to get our kids business off the ground.. forming groups and fan pages on facebook.. ebay and blogs...looking into party plan... I just feel that no one is interested.. actually its a fact.. I'm not feeling sorry for myself I'm venting...we have so many great items and I'm sewing and designing like mad we sell at a good price have high quality stuff and we see other people who have crap that sells for heaps and they are raking in it.. yet it seems we aren't getting anywhere. I have no idea what to do i want our business to grow and we are incorporating shabby chic into it and gifts for mum and dad.. i am currently working on kids clothes and other stuff to find something fdifferent to offer.. Dave and I have stayed up late researching products and getting our creative juices flowing.... URGH anyway.. i might not be making sense here

I do understand the current financials but why are others making money and all we want is to survive so my hubby can stay home and be with us.

Our insurance company is being painful and difficult and I am really trying to use the law of attraction oh and alot of prayer... I still believe we can do it. but today i don't feel strong at all...

I cant stand that people who have cheated us and manipulated us STILL succeed and get what they want.. what the F&^*( am i doing wrong? I am not playing victim i am in control but you get days you just cant bear it...

I have fought depression for too long and know its ugly head well... I have got over and got myself off medication (i was sedated for a week due to suicidal tendencies) Lots of things i believe would have stopped many.. a s in i had a brain infection when i was 20 and was suppose to die.. (it killed my great aunt at the same age)

I'm just sick of myself and my family being misundestood, used, judged and thrown away....
all I want is whats best for my family.... we dont judge nor feel we are above anyone...we do our best to help people and i have to say we are really really good people

i have been blessed to meet some wonderful people.. I wont go into details as you know who you are and i am grateful each day for you

anyway I think id better finish this now... as i don't want to fester.. Ill go and play with some fabric and trims.. the colours always make me feel better.. (that's one way i beat depression)
take care of yourselves
love
Vic xxxx

PS i will get over this its just how i feel right now